I Cried

… you want to fight about it??!!

Everyone starts off new.

I was not use to being new. That first month in guild was tough.

Everyone is now whispering into the raid. I am now in this quickly filling up raid of 24, 25, 26, …, 31, 32 raiders.

I watch the raid leaders move unfamiliar names (to me) into groups 1-5. They get to go in and play when I sit in group 8… NOT going.

I indicated I am willing but … I am literally benched.

But I know I still have to be in vent… so I know the strategies if/when I am brought in.*grumble*

Truthfully I had a few “moments”. That went like this…

*Hydra staring at the screen*

/Y Don’t THEY *points angrily at the screen* know who I am! Don’t THEY know what I can do! I get to call out stuff. DON’T THEY KNOW MIMIRON IS MY BITCH. MALYGOS IS MY LEFT SHOE. Of course they don’t! Bitches.

[Husband] I hear yelling. Are you ok?

[Hydra] Yes I am fine. I’m making popcorn, want some?

This is just the normal time waiting in the wings. Waiting for a chance to prove I can move out of the fire. Waiting for a chance to dps to the point of breaking my gear.

It took some time for me to get use to the swapping people in and out for some boss fight. Changes were mostly based on if you needed gear from the encounter. Not necessarily about classes.

I took the time to ask more questions.

I observed how people interacted with each other.

I made notes on who or what I didn’t like.

At the same time looked at the reason it was that way. I ended up scribbling out or answered the things that concerned me.

I finally get into a TOC25. I have run the TOC10 a dozen times before with no problem. I died in an Icehowl crash.
…
…
I was so pissed I cried. Is that not NUTS! I, Hydra, cried cause I DIED on a boss that I have done a gazillion times.

I laid down to sleep after raid and had to get up again. I was so pissed that I couldn’t stop crying like a BOY. I cried like a little boy who just scrapped their knee. It was not even doing something cool like trying a wheelie.

I let myself down.

I quickly got over it.

Still… I did cry.

I am quite sure it was a bruised ego. Truthfully I didn’t realize I even had an ego. Being new will test what ego you do have. You will be tested at every turn. Not only with what you do in raid, but what you say in guild chat, in raid, even in vent. You will be scrutinized by everyone in raid. Not only by the people who are suppose to be but EVERYONE.

Going through the door is the first step. Just like in a job, you now have to back up what you put on your guild application.

If you actually get all emotional for the first time EVER about the game don’t let anyone in guild know *looks at the calendar* until three or four months after the event… if at all.